Transform into Being
Seasons are changing and so am I. At this time, I feel called upon to reflect on this season through photographs and the words He provides me with.
I have a deep love and appreciation for nature. My mind’s eye is the lens through which I capture my world, my reality, what captivates and moves me, often times a different perspective on ordinary things. Some big, some small, all important pieces in my world.
My soul had been craving, longing to get out of the house, talking a walk somewhere else besides around my own neighborhood. I needed a change of pace. I needed to get out. I most definitely needed to get away to a place that I could recharge, reset, refocus my attention and energy to live life in a more positive way.
My attitude was nothing to be proud of. Words of others, I had taken very personally (even though I know better than that, yet words still cut deep). I was beside myself, not ready to engage in conversation, feeling sorry for, upset, being very stubborn, to say the least.
For us, the drive wasn’t far away at all. When we got to the parking lot, we were the only ones there. Oh, how peaceful this was going to be, just my husband and I, something that doesn’t happen much in our life together. I picked up my camera, put one lens in my pocket, and proceeded to make my way down towards the lake. A pretty cloudy day overall, with peeks of sunshine hoping for that picture, perfect moment where I would be given the opportunity to capture the reflection of fall colors on the lake.
The driveway leading up to the lake, had a signpost up from with a place for spare lifejackets to be worn by kids. In front of the sign was a large rock. I proceeded to walk down towards the lake, when I was greeted by a cat. At first, I didn’t think much of it. Honestly, I thought it was somebody’s large cat sitting there. I took a few more steps in the direction of the cat, only to be told by my husband to, “Stop, don’t go any closer!”
This cat was no ordinary cat, in fact, we locked eyes with a Lynx. The Lynx remained very still, only moving its head and eyes very slightly, back and forth between my husband and I. After a short while, the Lynx fixed their eyes on my husband, not even a blink of an eye at me.
I must say, the Lynx blended in quite well with the rock it was standing behind, a pretty good camouflage. We didn’t know how long the Lynx would sit there so still and motionless. Evidently, the Lynx is very patient, able to stay calm and still during uncertain times and events in their life. Never once did the Lynx appear to be threatening to us or cause alarm, however; as always, practice caution with wild animals.
There is something to be said for the Lynx and what was experienced that night. Inside, I had a storm happening within my own mind before arriving at the lake. Seeing how patient and calm the Lynx was knowing we may have been perceived as a threat, is all the more reason to have patience and remain calm during uncertain times for this too shall pass. Seeing the Lynx brought forth great excitement. I started coming to life for I thought, never have I ever had the chance to photograph one so quiet and still, as opposed to one running through the woods.
I was becoming. Reconnecting with my spirit and my soul, the essence of who I am. A camera in my hand, an open mind, allowing God to lead me to, get my attention and capture a moment with my camera in hand.
Once I finished watching the Lynx in awe of its beauty, and taking a few pictures to remember this moment, we proceeded down to the lake. All I can tell you is God, He provides. The sun peeked through for a moment, a moment long enough for me to capture the reflection of the mountains and autumn colored trees and vegetation on the calm waters of the lake below.
Be calm, be still and know that I am with you. My heart and mind became more at peace. The negativity of the mind, the irrational thinking, was now speaking more softly. I was achieving a more peaceful state of mind, yet hoping for a full release. We took in the beauty of Autumn’s colors painted down upon the lake below. After taking a variety of scenery pictures, we took some selfie pictures together too. My smile might not have been its best or the biggest. God, He knows I was trying. Getting out of a rut, having felt not the best about myself, still needed a little more patience and time.
We walked along the lake’s edge for a while. I took pictures of different kinds of and colors of leaves, not to mention some mushrooms, rotted birch trees tipped over as well as the roots and tree trunks. So much to see. All God’s glory is so magnificent. Magnify our Lord, the words ring so true! Praise Him for all things for He is good!!
Are you starting to see a pattern here? I sure am! While I was on the walk and taking in all the sights, I didn’t think too deep into what all this symbolism actually meant. I wanted to get out, enjoy and appreciate the coloring in the changing of the seasons, simply be one with nature, be more connected with God. I know He has a way of bring peace and calm to my soul. He has His own ways of letting me know He is there. Through thoughts He sends me, things that are brought to the forefront of my mind. He knows I love and appreciate the beauty that surrounds me, especially being fortunate enough to live in such a beautiful state, Alaska, God’s country!
The trail along the lake took a turn and we headed towards the ocean. How spectacular is this to be able to take a walk around the lake, enjoying the colors and smells of autumn, being only minutes away from the beach along the ocean? So much to be grateful for!
As we approached the ocean, my husband let me know that it was a very low tide and the water was way out there. No chance at getting autumn color reflections on the ocean water, but who was I to complain. A ray of sunlight captured my attention. Well off and into the distance, trees lit up as if there was a spot light cast down upon them. God, He cast his light down up the brightly colored yellow leaves on the trees. This may not have been what I was expecting or looking for, yet I thanked Him and accepted His gift and deliverance of what was meant to me that day. Yes, He has plans for me, things I have yet to do and see.
At that time, I had walked down the beach a short walk in the direction of the spotlighted areas with His rays of sunlight. As I was walking back towards where I entered the beach from, something on the ground caught my attention. Before I let you know what it was I found, let it be known I was needing a confirmation from God about how important I am, about whose daughter I am. Not but a minute or so later, He had given me one of the greatest gifts. Would you like to know what the gift was? A rock. Not any, ordinary rock. The rock He put on my path had a perfect white cross on the top, which was easily identifiable while walking by. I almost missed it and took a step on by, backed up, reached down, thanked the Lord for this gift and put it in my pocket. Before I did that, I looked on the other side. A perfect cross was on both sides. He is the Rock of my Salvation.
With the rock embellished with the cross, safe and secure in my pocket, I knew for certain, this was a sign from God. He reminded me I am His daughter. He loves me unconditionally. He knows my heart and exactly what I need at exactly the right moment.
In my own mind, I argued and battled the thoughts, thinking about the many mistakes I have made in my past. Feelings of condemnation that tried taking the forefront, playing with my emotions, wearing on my soul, weakened in intensity once I made room for God to work in my life.
I go through these cycles, feelings of being on top of the world, like I have overcome all the storms I have been working through. Healing comes in waves. There are many more wounds deeply rooted in my soul than I ever knew. When tears and emotions come on so easily, there is more in my life needing love, affection, attending to. There will come a day, I know, when the tears of regret, guilt, simply sadness, will no longer fall. I don’t know when that day will come, only He knows the timing of it all.
Good people make mistakes in life too. So much of what I have been experiencing in mid-life is an awakening, an awareness about how my childhood, experiences growing up, mindsets, thoughts, so many things. The girl from back then has grown and matured in more ways than can ever be imagined. There are parts of that little girl, living inside of me today. One who loves and cares so deeply about other people. She didn’t know back then how the enemy had taken over her thoughts, made her scared, afraid, fearful and anxious about her life, creating a mindset of deception rather than a life filled with much love.
Even though I may not be proud of certain events, things that happened in my life, through the grace of God, He continues to remind me of His love, regardless of my past, who I was, what I’ve been through and the person I am this day.
Autumn, a beautiful time to reflect and think about just how far I have come in life. The seasons change. Within each season, there are opportunities for growth. Some seasons may be more painful than others, many lessons to be learned. In this season, He is reminding me that it’s okay to let go. The season has been quite colorful to say the least. I have grown in ways He needed me to grow, becoming more deeply rooted in faith with Him.
As we made our way back to the parking lot, we walked back along the shore of the lake once again. The lighting from the sun caught my eyes on the water as it shone down upon the water. For a moment, I imagined myself being on a sunny beach somewhere, escaping, just for a moment, a getaway to refresh the mind. I shared my thoughts with my husband and smiled. This brought warm feelings to my heart and my mind. Even more at peace I became.
Nearly back to the car, I took a variety of last minute pictures. Last minute memories to be captured before calling it a day. I came upon three birch trees with brightly colored leaves and I knew I needed to stop, take a picture for there is strength and power in 3’s. The Holy Trinity-The Father, The Son & The Holy Spirit. To me, another sign He was with me, a sign that everything was going to be okay.
God, He is with me at all times. He lives in me. I knowing He is working on me this very moment, helping me to understand and speak my own truth in life. I do believe I need more time, more time to heal, more time to love, more patience with myself, and how to forgive and move forward, move on, not let the actions from my past define who it is I am this day.
At home, I went outside to tend to a couple things. He brought to mind this phrase,
“Thank you for the lesson.”
Peace overflowed within me, knowing I have such a loving Heavenly Father, one who looks past my imperfections and gives hope of a brighter tomorrow. Together, we’ve got this! There’s nothing too big that God can’t handle. He’s got this! I need to keep reminding myself to trust, have faith and believe.
Magnificent Meraki 