My Best Friend

What is it like to spend life with your best friend? Are the times all good, get along each and every day? Do you argue, fight, get disappointed, frustrated, cry? I know I have, but that doesn’t mean I love than any less than I did before. 

Everybody has their own needs.

Everyone has their own lessons to learn.

Everyone has their own way of looking at life.

Everyone has a unique fulfillment of Christ.

To love

To serve

To humble ourselves before Him

The mind is truly the greatest battlefield in life. I wondered why everybody else married their best friend, the one they can effectively communicate with and talk about everything. 

Good times and bad

Appreciate

Accept

Acknowledge

Understand

Validate

I have fought a war in my own mind. God knows I gave it a valiant effort. No need for a medal or award. Please, no standing ovation or encore. Yes, I lived a life where I wanted the focus, attention, everything to be on me. Not that I was selfish, rather I wanted to be seen and heard. 

As a young child, and well into adulthood, there were many times I felt invisible and wondered if I really mattered in the big picture of things. I had an extremely low self-esteem, lack of confidence, poor self-image. Accepting a compliment from someone was very difficult task. I would look around and wonder who they were talking to because they sure must not have been talking to me.

I needed something.

I needed someone.

Someone to fulfill me.

Someone to help satisfy.

The emptiness.

The loneliness.

The longing I felt inside.

No matter where I lived.

No matter my occupation.

People in my life 

(Some stay, some go)

Being single

To being married.

A couple

A wife

A life lived together

Childless

To being a mother

Of 3

(and soon to be a grandmother too)

All of these things happening in my life. I would be crazy not to believe that I married my best friend, the one God chose for me to live my life with. 

The one who would help shape me.

The one who would help me to see.

The one who would challenge me.

The one who would help me to believe.

The one who would remain forever by my side.

We all have our internal struggles. There are many battles we face. I wondered and questioned for many years…God, why had I not married my best friend? I did marry my best friend. For many years, the enemy whispered many lies…I believed them. Those thoughts held me captive far too long than I really care to admit (but I did and it’s the truth). 

I had a hard time seeing the good in other people when hardships, struggles and trials came my way. Negativity set in. Pessimism. Under attack. Retaliation and fighting back. Certain events, words, actions, mannerisms triggered memories (you know, the unpleasant ones), 

If you have ever experienced a traumatic event in your life, the memory of it may or may not fully go away, depending on who you are, ability to move on, accept what was done, forgiveness and heal. There is no timeline for this process. Triggers may come unexpectedly and at random times. Responding, rather than reacting is key.

I know and accept the fact that I wasn’t always the nicest person to be around. My mind felt as if I were under attack and needed to fight back, push away those who I love very much (knowing good and well, all I wanted was someone to be with me during those moments, to sit, listen, without judgement, be held, hugged and loved.) Pushing people away from me was one of my survival strategies, a way to find out if they would remain by my side even on my most challenging moments and days of my life. 

Did this strategy serve me well? Not really! 

It got me through my days, not the best or most enjoyable way to live my life. 

Trauma, unhealed wounds from our past, distort our reality with false beliefs, lies and perceptions. 

How can l love and accept other people when I haven’t come to fully love and accept myself for who I am? The beautiful creation of God! When I am reminded of who I am, according to God, my Heavenly Father, the more deeply I love and peaceful I become. Acceptance and appreciation of who I am comes much more easily. I am not defined by the ways of the world, earthly things. 

I have made many mistakes.

I have learned many lessons.

I have lived with guilt, remorse, regret, shame & condemnation.

I have learned to repent.

I have learned to let go (more easily now than before, yet still a work in progress).

I have learned to receive His forgiveness (and forgive myself).

I have learned the battle.

Is not against my family and friends.

Rather…

The battle is the war waged against the enemy.

The battle is not mine alone to fight.

God

He is my Guardian.

He is my Protector.

He is my Shield.

He is my Father.

He is my Friend.

To see ourselves

As God sees us

Is one of the greatest gifts in life!

There is so much freedom to be had and a good life to be lived.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like that weighted down and burdensome feeling. You know, that heaviness you feel on your heart and soul, those things you carry around in your thoughts in mind.

Over time (and with much patience and grace), I’ve had to practice and learn a new mindset, develop a new skillset, a healthy one where I don’t ruminate and become fixated on all the ways I have been done wrong in the past. 

God found a way to my heart. He did so by bringing me to darkest, most lonely place and time in my life. At the time, I thought the pain and darkness would never end. Over time, darkness gave way to light. I made space for Him to work through and transform my life. Who knew how grand the dreams and plans He had for my life!

I have come to trust in Him, His timing, His ways. Little did I know how pain can be transformed into something beautiful. When you are in the middle of a stormy season in life (whether the season lasts days, weeks, months or years), seeing the light at the other end of things is difficult (believe me, I know-I’ve been a pretty stubborn and head strong person for many years).

The time and effort put forth into living a better life will be well worth it! 

One day you will see!

Through faith and trust in God, 

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

I am grateful for the ways in which He drew me near.

I am grateful for the ways in which He draws me closer to Him each day.

I am grateful for the hardships and trials for they have strengthened me in many ways.

I have become courageous.
I have learned to smile.

I have learned how to follow Him and His ways.
I have learned to accept what is.

I have learned that I married my best friend, in union with Jesus Christ.

Life is good!

AMEN