My mind keeps drawing me back to the story of the woman at the well. From hearing the story in church during mass and in some podcast, something keeps resonating more deeply with her experience.
As much as I’ve tried to be a good girl throughout my life, do what’s right, be open, honest, kind and love, I’ve had my moments of rebellion where I felt the need to run wild and free. I had low self-confidence, low self-esteem, very little love or respect for myself, nor any boundaries and as naive.
Looking back (from childhood experiences to current day), the pain and anger I’ve held onto, has caused me to sin in many ways. In my thoughts, in my words and actions too. I know it’s up to me how I respond to certain circumstances, I have power over that.
When my mind was weak, the enemy attacked. He lied, he manipulated, he deceived me into thinking negatively about so many things. When you aren’t in a healthy frame of mind, making safe and sound decisions becomes incredibly challenging, and you start to question your own decision making in all areas of life.
During my darkest storms, I felt as if I was going crazy, losing it. I wasn’t really, but it sure felt like it. What I really needed was grace, the time and space to allow me to share emotions and experiences rooted deep in my heart. I needed time to process, come to my own understanding and awareness to be able to accept me for who I am.
Not all trauma and pain has been mine to house and carry around like overweight baggage. My tendencies and mindsets have also been passed down to me from the generations that come before me. The more I am able to separate, to differentiate what was theirs and what was mine, the more joyful, peaceful and loving life I live, knowing that is a part of my story, but that doesn’t define me. Who they are and what they did is not my identity. It’s stories, it is pain, it’s in my DNA. I know it’s there. I know it exists.
After what I believe to be the darkest valley I have ever traveled through in my life, it was there I met Jesus. He was waiting, knowing I would call out His name.
Jesus, He welcomed me with open arms. Never once being disappointed in me. He was happy I made space and invited Him into my heart, a place where light and love have since grown. Through His presence and working in my life, I’ve learn to accept and embrace myself and life circumstances more fully. Life is best lived when you live in light and love, going out and serving with the gifts you’ve been given.
As a result of the challenges and circumstances I’ve been through, I’ve learned the importance of my pain. Pain brought me closer to Him, I’ve come to know Him, how He speaks to me and through me during the days of my life.
If you haven’t already, I hope you come to know Jesus, His grace, His mercy, His unconditional love and perfect peace. God is working through us and speaking through us, more often than we may know or realize.
We have some of the greatest gifts readily available. Question is, are you open and ready to receive what He has prepared for you? If you are scared, that’s okay (I was too!)
We are all at different places in our spiritual journeys, and life paths. We have so much to learn from one another, and never fully know how your words, your presence may change someone else’s life.
May these words bless you, knowing you are not alone. Even though you may go to the well to draw water by yourself, God will always meet you where you are at!!
Magnificent Meraki 