The morning of September 16th, I was tending to last minute things, making final preparations before flying back to Alaska. I did one last weigh-in with my check-in back to ensure it wasn’t over 50 lbs. as I didn’t want to have to unpack or switch anything around at the last minute. My body, mind and spirit were already worn enough. The cooler weighed in under 50, coming in at 47.5-well done, that one was ready to go. Next was my rolling bag. Up on the scale it went. 52.2 was the weight, so I weighed it again to make sure. Yep, same thing.
I rolled my bag out into the kitchen/dining room area near the front door. Next, I flipped it over and down, then unzipped the zipper to take a couple things out. 2 lbs. was all I needed so I leaned over and grabbed a couple small Ziploc baggies which held photographs inside them. This ought to do, I thought.
As I bent over, the most excruciating pain came over me! My lower back spasmed, I cried out! In that moment, I felt so broken, helpless, uncertain of what to do next. The pain radiated and there wasn’t a whole lot I was able to do. Bending, reaching, trying to pick up, hold, stand, walk, sit, lay, literally everything about my life in that moment rocked my world, shook everything up. Oh, did I mention yet, we were leaving to the airport very soon, like in 30-40 minutes? Yeah, things happened very quickly. I cried out and thought, why now!!
I sat with my pain for a moment. My father-in-law asked if I needed help getting up. I declined for he just had shoulder surgery done. Besides, I was in so much pain that I didn’t even know myself what position or maneuver was best for me to get my body into a vertical position, to stand up and walk. I fumbled around, confused, not certain what to even do with myself. My husband was making breakfast, so he was nearby too. I had to get up. I had to do this on my own. Not that I didn’t want his help either, but I was worried if I got lifted, something, somewhere on my body might hurt even worse. I needed to find out what I could do on my own, then go from there.
Somehow, I managed to find a way to get up, to endure the pain, walk around, see what my body would tolerate. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. I wanted so much for the pain to ease up and leave my body, but it didn’t. I had to remind myself God would bring me through this pain. What I was experiencing and the intensity of it would fade in time (but not soon enough for getting on the plane).
The drive to the airport took around an hour. I was given a couple Tylenol to help alleviate some of the pain. Fortunately, it helped, but didn’t eliminate all the pain, I was with limitations for carrying things, walking, sitting, standing, ugh! Before getting on my flight, I had taken some Advil.
Slowly but surely, my pain has eased, but not gone away. It’s there, reminding me every day how I need to slow down, be more mindful of so many things! I hurry along and push myself to get so many things done. Time is of the essence, so I try to make the most of it. Sometimes, well, let me rephrase that-often times I push it way too much, putting unnecessary stress on my body. But hey, I was productive, I think to myself. Like the energizer bunny, keep going and going and going.
In my heart, I know the importance of rest, taking care of my body and not getting so worn out. It all catches up with me. I put my heart and soul, best of intentions into helping those I love and care about so very much. Their happiness and quality of life was (and is) of important to me. I wanted to improve their lives, give them something to smile about, bring hope, joy, and light to their world. Kindness and love, it’s what makes the world go around, and doing too much, taking on the world and the energy around you, takes its toll bringing you down to the ground.
I’ve been back at work for three days. Fortunately, I don’t have students on Mondays, so that gave me a bit of a breather, a chance to ease back into the routine of being at school. I received a warm welcome, hugs, love, I missed you, beautiful flowers, and cards with beautiful messages. I poured my heart out, I cried. Everything had been so overwhelming. Day 2 back at school greeted me with highly energetic students ready to go, and my body, mind and spirit succumbing to disease.
My body was worn, so out of balance. In need of restoration, in need of something more. Even though I was tired out and hadn’t slept as well as I hoped, I got dressed and ready for the day, and drove into school. Rain, downpours, darkness, insane. Not feeling 100% I really had to focus as best I could on the cars around me, amidst the pouring down rain and water splashing up and mucking up my windshield and windows.
Safe and sound, at school at last. A much slower and steady pace to get to work. Whatever it was I had, seemed to progress throughout the day. There were times I felt as if I was feeling better, then I wasn’t once again. I would perk up, get spurts of energy, then feel exhausted and worn on.
The time has come to take a day off (or two-depending on how I feel after tomorrow).
Illness and disease, I am paying the price, for not following His commands to rest. All the yardwork and house cleaning I had done to help family members out were done with my own power. Not sure if I had given Him enough thanks and gratitude, for all the strength and motivation needed to get the job done, as well as His soft whispers guiding me along the way. I thanked Him, I know I did. I tried to do so much under my own power, strength and what I thought was right and needed to be done.
Through trials such as this is how I learn best. I pushed my body to the limits, and it let it be known that it had enough. The time now is to focus on me, this body, this vessel God has given me to travel through life with. Guess I may have missed some scheduled maintenance throughout the years. Looks like I will have some repairs soon.
As I close this evening, I am hopeful for the blessings this evening and tomorrow will bring. This illness, this disease, this discomfort I am feeling, is only temporary, will soon lift and I will be once again feeling more human, like me.
Magnificent Meraki 