While listening to a podcast on, “The Connected Life” (I will attach the link and notes about the episode), I was given a word that brought me peace, gave me a sense about myself. Although I don’t think they mentioned it on this episode, this word was brought to the forefront of my mind for the day.
The word?
Dysregulated.
Who knew how much comfort this would bring? Not me!
Throughout the day on March 25th, 2024, I gave time, attention and thought to the word dysregulated. The word itself is not a negative term, rather a means by which I can associate and make sense of my own behaviors, the life I’ve lived and how I’ve perceived the world. What is it that made me who I am this day? What brought me to feeling, thinking and the meaning I give to people, places, and things? I’ve had my fair share of struggles with mental health since a young age having experienced anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Although I didn’t understand at the time, feeling what I was feeling became the norm. Little did I know that’s not the way life was to be lived. Feelings and emotions were not something that were talked about, not that I remember anyway.
So, what does dysregulated mean to me? What is the connection that brought forth peace on this day? I guess I had this sense it gave a name to what I’ve experienced in my life. I’ve had some pretty big emotions, some way bigger than the event that triggered it in the first place. An unmet need. The basic needs every human being needs to thrive…I feel like I had missed out on some essential developmental milestones. Now, at age 51 (and many years leading up to this), more childlike actions and emotions have been exhibited and expressed. It’s not that I wanted to be that way. Believe me, it didn’t sit well with me when I was told to stop acting like a 2-year-old, when experiencing big emotions and not having the emotional support at the time to get me through what I was feeling. This is just one example of a reaction/response to my behaviors (and there have been many more difficult times to work through).
It was hard, I mean really hard!
You know what’s even more challenging, forgiving others (and myself) during these times.
We didn’t know back than what we do now. We didn’t have the knowledge, tools, or skillsets that we do today. We are constantly growing, changing, learning, and evolving. We are becoming someone new each day.
In a way, I’ve made progress, yet I still feel stuck during certain circumstances. I know there is more work to do before moving beyond, before becoming successful at managing my emotions and learning what it is they are trying to tell me. What’s hard and frustrating is knowing I am trying my hardest and doing my best to express what it is that needs attention, needs to be heard, needs to be released, named, and just let it be. The child in me has a yearning to be heard, crying out…Do you see me? Do you hear me? She’s not letting go that easily.
I do believe as my childhood needs become met (the need for safe and trusting attachments), and learning to shift my own mindset, I will learn to live a happier and more fulfilling life, seeing the world through a new lens. So much comes from our childhood experiences, more than we may ever know, realize, or remember. I don’t want to blame my circumstance and upbringing for the challenges I’ve faced throughout my life, rather I want to be able to acknowledge and identify them, so I may make peace with the past, traumatic events and move forward embracing all what life has to offer in more meaningful ways.
Here is the link and the episode notes if you would like to listen:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-connected-life/id1447545040?i=1000650331661
273: Attachment – A Guide to Human Connection Pt. 1
The Connected Life
“Creating functional and healthy relationships can feel like a mystery. It’s easy to believe we’re broken and don’t do connection well. But what if understanding our attachment system could redefine how we relate, create compassion for others, and improve our relationships? In part one of this two-part episode, Abi sits down with her lifelong best friend Pietze to discuss attachment styles. They explore attachment theory, how attachment styles develop, and how these styles can wreak havoc on relationships. Together they vulnerably share about the messes they’ve made through not understanding this in their own world. Lastly, they highlight the impact of attachment styles on our connection to God, how we can feel closer to Him, and how healthy attachments can repair the most broken parts of our stories. If you want more clarity on relationships and hope to develop healthy connections, this two-part series will rock your world! AND NOW WE’RE ON YOUTUBE! Come WATCH US at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don’t forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!”
Magnificent Meraki 