Intrinsically Driven

Not everything is handed over on a silver platter. We need to work hard and prioritize to accomplish our goals, live out our dreams.

Have a purpose?

Have a passion?

What’s your mission?

I am working on all of that. I have visions, things I want to pursue in life.

What am I missing?

A plan, everything written down which I hope to someday achieve. Mini-milestones, lifetime goals, health, hobbies, family, work, travel, passions and more.

I go in spurts for I have days when I am quite the dreamer, knowing I can live the life I want by making daily progress, steps towards my goal, regardless of how big or small. Other times, next to no motivation or drive. These are the days I need encouragement. To keep being present, awake, aware, knowing someday I will reach my goals. Someday, I will get there.

As with any of us, there are setbacks, times when we just need to give our body a break. Be alone, destress, not worry about where you are and where you are going. Simply put, let things be. Allow things to happen in their own timing.

My main goal for this year has been to make appointments with and see all the doctors and health care professionals to heal from the past (whether emotional pain or physical ailments that come with time and age).

I know my soul has been weighted down pretty heavy since childhood. With the right supports, I have been slowly releasing and letting go of many things a little bit at a time.

This process cannot be rushed. As we all know, healing takes time. Whether physically or emotionally, the events of our past eventually catch up with us, sometimes in unexpected ways.

I have had to face many fears. Confront them. Say, “Hello.” Accept these feelings, these fears for what they are and treat them like a friend. Regardless, even the painful moments and times will be a part of me. I am still working on a full release. In the future, one day, I know this will come.

Truths uncovered, revealed. Just a part of my past, my history. My mind too clouded, too cluttered from all the things people have done and aid. Words and actions that do not define or serve me, for some reason, I carried them along.

Carrying all of the extra weight, the baggage of the past, is kind of like being a packrat, or a hoarder, thinking maybe someday these thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions will come in handy or be purposeful.

I learned the hard way that as I improved, well on my way to healing, it was the old version of myself that kept hanging on to the old beliefs, the things I held close to my heart and in my mind—believed that they were true. Get with the times! I know! I have been working on my upgrades to a new version of myself.

Higher standards, stronger in faith, improved health and more love of oneself. I know it’s not nice to tell the old self to go, yet I know those words can flow from the mind to mouth ever so easily.

Instead, I will continue to send love to my old version of self.  Tell her she did the best that she could. Things happened exactly the way they were meant to be in order to get me to where I am today.

I know, for myself, I want it all in life. But really, what does that mean? For sure, this is in our own perception, the reality we create. For me to have it all simply means loving myself unconditionally…being the best person God intends for me to be.

I still don’t fully know who that person is. In time, I know He will reveal. Parts and pieces along the way—hints and teasers to get a taste of the good life.

When I feel loved, love my own self, share in laughter and conversation, being without an emotional response to so many situations, then I know I have made some progress. I know that I have grown.

There are times when the inner child has not yet fully recovered and healed. More tears will be shed as I journey in this life. Just trying to make sense of and understand the highs and lows in life. Finding balance, finding peace, finding light that comes from deep within.