What perception do people have of you? Do some think you are living the good life? What might make some people think that? Stories can be told through pictures on social media, but do you really know what a person is thinking or going through just because of that? You may be surprised!
Every day seems to be a new learning curve for me. I can make some really great gains, then like the wave of an incoming tide crashes and tries pulling me under. That’s kind of what it feels like when my emotions hit me. Thinking I am strong enough to withstand the force of them coming on, but the waves crash boldly before me, causing me to lose my balance for a moment then steady myself again. I then back up out of the water to stop getting beat up by the waves. (Taking a step back is like pausing, thinking about removing oneself from what just happened.)
Facing the cold heart facts.
Facing up to and owning our own truths.
OUCH!
Some words really do cut deep,
A Band-Aid just won’t do.
Avoiding eye contact with others.
Going into a room not occupied by anyone else.
CRY!
Feeling like you are going insane!
Head and arms outstretched on the bed, other times sprawled out on the floor.
God, what is it you want me to do?
I don’t understand!
Emotional triggers. I know I still have these. During times of confrontation, I battle these in my own mind. I want so much for these things to just go away, disappear, wave a magic wand and be gone, but then again, I don’t. You know why? Because I know I have wounds, deep wounds. Many things I am becoming aware of in myself. If I just do things the “easy” way, trying to forget about, pretend like they never happened, suppress all that is there, all that mess inside of me just keeps building up.
In order for growth and healing to take place, I know I have to do the hard work. Acknowledge and name these feelings. Some days, I feel like it’s hard just being me (which I am still working on discovering who my authentic self is.) There are days when I get frustrated, too hard on myself. I find myself questioning why I don’t get this and why don’t I understand this lesson?? What is it Lord?
In all of my frustration, I seek the Lord. I want so much to tell specifics about what I’m feeling and experiencing to someone close to me, but I know who understands best. I know who will set my mind straight. I know who will give me peace. I may cry a lot of tears in my uncertainty and frustration and that’s okay. I want to understand God’s purpose so I can pass the test, learn the lesson, advance to the next stage of my life.
I try so hard to not let my emotions get triggered, to not be annoyed by the same things. There is something deeply rooted in my soul that needs to be addressed. My guess is that it may not even be with my current situation. The trigger may be something passed down from other generations that I am doing my best on trying to overcome. Regardless of the origin of pain and frustration, I am doing the soul work needed to rise up and be better than who I was, be bigger and better than my emotions.
Maybe you have been where I am. Perhaps you are there right now. Staying frustrated and annoyed at someone for extended periods of time does none of any good (believe me, I know that…plenty of experience on this one). Some days feel so lonely. Being different is not so easy, but I’m learning to embrace me more fully, and as best as I can.
We all walk our own walk in life.
No two of us are alike or on the exact same path.
We cross paths with some then go our own way.
Some people we meet and they walk beside us until their purpose is fulfilled.
Jesus Christ, He lives in us, He walks with us, now and every day of our lives.
Even though we may be one person, one light in this world, never once are we alone. The world may seem dark and crazy. We go through many trials and hardships. It’s okay to feel and be broken. It’s okay to take time for yourself and just cry. It’s okay to not be okay for a little while because those moments are just moments and not permanent. God will see you through difficult times. He will never abandon you. Just seek Him, call out His name. Ask Him for His loving guidance and to be with you at all times.
If, for a moment, you thought my life was perfect in so many ways, it’s not. Rather all of my imperfections are what made me perfect in His image. He knew all the decisions I would make. He knew all of the trials and hardships. He knew how I would react to and respond, which ultimately led me back to Him (which is what He has wanted all along).
Everything I’ve experienced.
All those things I am going through this day.
God has been preparing me for what’s next.
I have yet to pass this test. Seems like I have a way of going about life doing things the hard way for some reason. I know God’s way is best! I am trying to listen to Him and understand, be more mindful and not let my emotions take control over me.
Tomorrow is a new day. Not only for me, but for you as well. We can rest now in Him knowing He will take care of today’s troubles.
Thank you for spending time with me at this moment. My heart is more at ease.
Life is better when we include God in everything we do. Here’s hoping for a more promising day filled with many blessings and things to be grateful for!
Magnificent Meraki 