The times I’ve spent in conversation have largely been in my own head. I’ve spent little to no time writing it out or typing it into a document.
Thinking, wondering about, contemplating, feeling, more feeling, looking for understanding in circumstances, trying to know and understand myself, trying not to get caught up in life and many troubles, seeking Gods wisdom, His guidance, His peace, His love.
There have been battles I’ve faced, continue to face and lean in more to; remember there is something to be learned through every person, every moment, every experience and feeling that is felt.
Whether I travel through dark valleys, moments of uncertainty and troubling times or summit the highest peaks, God is with me every step of the way.
He has been waiting for me to take time for Him, not any ordinary time, rather intentional, uninterrupted, time focused on being in conversation with Him. He has been calling out to me for so long, and I, His daughter, to sit, write, allow His voice to speak through me. Whatever it is that is troubling me, He is sure to know, He will heal my broken parts.
When I pause for a moment and reflect on all that I have been through, I know the only way I’ve come this far, be the person who I am, is because of His grace, His guidance, His strength, His patience, His mercy, His love. I give it all up to Him as I know ALL things are POSSIBLE with God. When I seek Him. When I connect with Him as my SOURCE, I refocus, recharge, set my sights on Him and not things of this world.
I’ve had to battle the enemy, knowing how frequently he works to steal my peace, my joy, the people and places I love and those things which I enjoy doing and bring me the greatest joy. I know when the enemy attacks. I feel disconnected from the light and love of God and my thoughts go to unhappy ways and places. That’s not the person I am nor is it who I want to be. I want to be light and love to those who I meet and spend my days with.
When I’ve spread myself too thin, when I’ve given far too much to other people and other things, the light within me becomes dim, maybe a flicker, no longer do I feel as if I have much to give.
As a Giver, my gut instinct is to give of myself all I can, the element of surprise, make other people’s days brighter, through letters, notes, gift giving, smile, conversation, noticing, a reassurance and a knowing you are never alone in what you are going through, you are never alone in this world.
Not everyone sees your goodness. Not everyone knows your story (nor do they need to). Not everyone will appreciate or respect the person you are. And you know what? That’s okay! I will not allow other peoples thoughts, words, actions, about me and towards me, make me a bitter person. Yes, words sting, may be unkind, create an image of someone other than I am, but I don’t know what brought them to a point to think, say or speak in the way that they do.
What I’ve learned is that the more I seek God, His comfort, His loving guidance to help me through, peace flows like a river, and the voices in my head begin to fade. They’re not as loud and obnoxious. I fix my gaze on Him knowing that during those times I feel alone, confused, disrespected, whether it be through words, actions or lack of communication or miscommunication, God is always with me, listening to my heart, is my rock, my shelter, in time of need.
You and I, we are all human. We make mistakes and learn from them. Other people make mistakes too. In what I’ve been going through, softening my heart and becoming better rather than bitter, have been some rather big trials and challenges for my spiritual growth. What I don’t want to do is become irrational, point fingers, blame others. Rather, I need to remind myself to forgive others for they know not what they’ve done. When I’ve done something unknowingly in error, I say sorry, and ask God to forgive me too for I know not what I had done either. That way, I can move forward, staying humble, kind, gentle and loving with myself and with other people.
I thank God for this moment in time, sharing out in a peaceful and loving manner. When I keep in peace, the world around me becomes more peaceful as well.
Although you may not know my story, my journey, the roads I’ve traveled on until this day, I will move forward in solidarity, knowing that you, nor I are never alone. We have all that we need within us. It is His light, His love, His soft and gentle voice right there waiting for us in our time of need.
Magnificent Meraki 